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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|